Small Group Topic: What's Your Storm?

I've been chronically ill since 1985. Sometimes the disease flares up and brings pain, fatigue, tests and pills. This week has been a tough one. I mentioned to my husband earlier this week he should be aware of the possibility of me not being available for the prison session. Turns out I was OK to go to the session, my point it, it's important to have a back up plan (to have another person fill in for a leader), and know when to use it.

I try to be very honest with the inmates, they certainly deserve that from the ministry volunteers. So, I level with them about the illness and the medicines involved. Remember, quite a few inmates are on medication, too.

We had a good opening prayer by one of the inmates, a good opening introduction from everyone, and a good couple of hymns were sung.

We read Psalm 121 around the room, several times. One inmates recited the 23 psalm from memory (an ongoing homework assignment for all people in the group), applause and cheering rewarded his success. Smiles were many.

Our lesson tonight was based on Matthew 8:23 - 26 - Jesus calms the storm. We read the passage several times, concentrating on the various parts.

Note that

• Jesus was WITH the disciples and trouble still came
• Some of these disciples were experienced fisherman who had seen and survived many storms
• The storm is described as "Furious" and the waves "Swept Over" the boat
• Jesus rebuked the disciples first (for lack of faith) Then rebuked the storm

We had around 15 minutes left. I try to focus the session at the end, so the guys are thinking on something solid when they leave.

So, I announced the main discussion questions for the evening. What is YOUR STORM now, and what action are you using in the storm to exhibit faith in Jesus? A very good discussion followed, some fellows really opened up and shared serious concerns in the their lives.

We closed with prayer.

Week Off - thoughts on voices and anger

This week, we don't go into prison for the Yokefellow session. A different volunteer does.

So, I'd like to send this blog time outlining some things I have been reading about; Anger, the voices we use, and if I have time enough, poverty.

This all relates to prison ministry and to life. Inmates often have anger issues, are unaware of the voices we can use, and are sometimes affected significantly by poverty.

I've been reading a really good book on understanding poverty - titled: A Framework to understanding Poverty, by Dr. Ruby Payne. I recommend it. Check your local library for a copy, or find it on Amazon.

The author says that there are three voices that a person uses throughout their life.

1. Child Voice - used by a young person
2. parent Voice - used to train / guide / teach / discipline a young person
3. Adult Voice - used when grown up (mature) people talk to each other.

Consider what voice you use through out your day. Which voice do you use with your fellow workers? With your children? With your spouse? What voice does your child use with you?

Note that the voice you, as an adult, want to reach for is the Adult Voice, where both speakers are equal in the conversation and respect is exchanged.

Trouble can occur when adults use the Parent Voice on other adults. It can be demeaning. It is certainly not appropriate to use the Parent voice during a Yokefellow session. I can lead the group through readings and discussion questions. But I am not a parent to the inmates. I am a peer. This is very different. A group leader does not come into the room as a person of elevated status. A leader comes into the group as an equal. Yes, order should me maintained, discussion should be guided for the good of the group. But in an all adult small group session, the leader is not the "parent". Such a stance can negatively limit discussion and participation of the group.

Take notice this week what "voices" are being used around you.

I'm also reading an Anger Management workshop book. The author states that there are three main reasons we get angry:

1. Our basic needs are not being met
2. Our self worth is not being recognized
3. Our convictions are not being respected

Now, put the 2 books together. Think about your small group sessions. Are everyone's opinions respected? Is anyone being interrupted? Is anyone using the "Parent" voice?

Part of the power of small groups is the ability to get people to "open up" and talk about the big issues in their lives. These 2 books are helping me understand why sometimes a group session goes well and others not so well.

In our lives, may we also respect the voices of others, listen to their concerns and needs, and respect their convictions.

Justice and Mercy

At tonight's session we talked about Justice and Mercy. We started with asking the group how they defined the words "justice" and "mercy". Generally, the group agreed that Justice meant getting what one deserves, while Mercy means getting something good one does not deserve.

I asked the group if they wanted the court to be just or merciful in their cases. Good discussion followed, as everyone could participate in the question and consider it.

I shared with the group a recent experience I had with a young nephew of mine. He got mad after getting into some river mud (we were kayaking) and started calling me names as a way to express his anger at getting muddy.

He said, among other things, that he hated me and wished I were dead and then he spit on me several times. I responded, nicely, that it was odd that he was saying these things to me just days before his birthday. I was on the riverbank, so I just hopped in the river and washed off.

I asked the group what they thought I should do with the birthday gifts I got him. It was a good discussion question, everyone seemed to have an idea and an opinion. Some guys said I should give gifts anyway, some said take the gifts back to the store, one fellow suggested showing him the gifts, THEN taking them back to the store.

Then I asked them if they had ever treated God the way that my nephew had done to me. Silence.

Note: Silence is sometimes a good thing to have, even seek, in a small discussion group. Leaders should not feel that every space in time need to be filled with talking. It's good to allow time for thinking, too.

Yes, the group agreed, they had shown God plenty of disrepect and then still wanted the gifts he has. We talked about this quite a bit. We used the text at Matthew 23:26 about justice and mercy.

The session ended, and us four Yokefellow volunteers stood around outside the prison doors discussing the session. It was a warm June evening, and it is nice to dissect sessions sometimes, in order to improve future ones.

Another volunteer suggested that we could've read the story of the prodigal son with this lesson. Yes, that would have been a better text to use.

This was actually the first in prison session for one new volunteer. We asked him if he had any questions, or if anything surprised him about the session. He asked if this was a typical session and if we thought it was good, bad or average.

His question was a good one, I wasn't ready for it. What is a good Yokefellow session? I think a good session centers on the hope of Christ, caring for ones neighbor, acceptance for all in the group and (importantly) good discussion with participation by most if not all people in the room.

Some volunteers try (maybe subconciously) to get everyone sort of "happy". I don't see that path. People in jail are working through major issues. There are times when they are going to be depressed, lonely, sad and afraid. My task is not to get them to be happy, as if not being happy is a sin.

I do like to bring forth real laughter, usually by telling a self-deprecating story about something that happened in my life.

I'm overwight. I'll often ask the guys what advice they have for me to lose weight. Oh, how the advice comes forth. Then I'll ask them what they want to change in their lives and are having trouble with. How easy it is to tell someone else how to fix their lives and problems.

Sometimes expressing our advice to someone else can be healthy if we then quickly look in the mirror and see if we need that advice ourselves.

We have next week off from prison service. I know it sounds odd, but the one week per month that we don't go in the prison is strangly missing something. The discussion group session helps keep life real somehow. It seems to help keep us grounded in what's important and what's just fluff.

Peace.

How very much God loves us

This week we had 12 inmates attend the session. I brought my guitar in and we sang a couple of songs. It's still awkward getting the guitar in (without a case) through the main double doors. Maybe time will help us get the hang of doing it without hitting the guitar on the doors.

We talked about how much freedom or leeway God gives us as we grow in Christ. We are creatures of habit. It takes us awhile to understand things. It can take us years to gain insight into our loving God.

How many times do we watch our children as they grow, when we offer advice, they turn away and do their own thing, only to find they should have listened to the parent?

How much leeway do we give our kids? When are we stern? How do we think God is similar to a parent? How is he different?

We talked about some things I can't write about here.

During the session, 3 people asked specific questions. One question I dealt with, the other two I asked if the inmate would mind if I waited until the end of the session to deal with. They both said OK. I was hoping to tie in their questions to the lesson. But we got to talking and we ran out of time to address the two remaining questions. I feel bad about that.

I thought of writing each a quick note, apologizing, but didn't get around to it. I'll have to address this in the session next week. I know how down I feel if I get put off.

Interestingly enough, one question was about "What do you do when God does not seem to be working in your life?"